My experience of being an Active Jehovah’s Witness and leaving the Cult.
By Maria (An alias as a protect against persecution.)
I started studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses over 20 years ago after my first marriage was breaking up. My daughter was only a few months old, so I was very vulnerable at the time, and suicidal.
I didn’t come into contact with the Witnesses through the preaching work, but through a new friend I had made once my husband had left me. When I heard this Witness speak about the last days and how men would be, it sounded very true to me. I thought she was a bit weird, but was intrigued. After a few weeks, I bumped into her again, and we had another discussion. She wanted to visit me at home but I was a bit reluctant to have a stranger come to my house. (What I haven’t mentioned is that my dad was a devout Muslim, and he didn’t have a very good view of the Witnesses.)
This lady eventually won my trust and I gave her my address, but I remember regretting that because she lived nearby, and because she had started to auxiliary pioneer, she took every opportunity to call on me, so much so that I had to hide from her on a couple of occasions, pretending I wasn’t home.
After about 4 months, I started to study and progressed really well, attending meetings, answering up and then becoming an unbaptised publisher. In the mean time my husband would come back and give me grief over my contact with the Witnesses. He became violent, threatening to burn my books, and even trying to prevent me from going to meetings. None of that stopped me as I thought it was part of Jesus’ prophecy at Matthew 5:11, 12. I made good progress in spite of this opposition.
Eventually, I had enough of his treatment towards me, his temper, and his taking of drugs. I decided to separate. I didn’t want to divorce him as the elders had advised against it, but they said a separation would be okay with a view to trying to reconcile things. After a few months, I filed for divorce, writing a letter to my solicitor detailing my reasons. After about six months, my solicitor asked if I still wanted to get a divorce. I still hesitated as my study of the Bible with the Witnesses taught me that we should try to remain married unless there are scriptural grounds for divorce. I hadn’t any proof that he had been unfaithful, but it was quite likely as he was often gone for two or more weeks at a time, and now had been away for six months. I believed it was very likely that he had slept with someone else. I again read the letter that I had written to the solicitor with my reasons for wanting a divorce. After reading it, I had no doubt that I could not stay with him and filed for the divorce. A few months later, I was a single mum. I got baptised. Although not looking to remarry, I soon started dating a brother and got married a year later. I thought my life was going to be wonderful, with Armageddon and Paradise just around the corner.
For a while I was happy, I was making new friends, and was enjoying the ministry. I started to regular pioneer. I had a beautiful little girl and a loving husband. Life was good. So different to what life had been like and the depression I had suffered over the years. As time went on though friction built between me and my second husband. He hated going out in the ministry, especially on weekends. He wasn’t keen to answer up or attend meetings whilst on holiday; yet to me it was normal. It was my way of life! It didn’t help that my parents were very opposed to my new life and religion. My father didn’t talk to me for over five years. But none of this put me off, I kept pioneering and threw myself into my new religion. (I had been raised a Catholic).
The Problems Start
What I didn’t mention is the problems that started soon after attending the book study, when I was new to the religion. I used to work part time and had to collect my daughter from my parents, then had less than an hour to eat and make the half-hour walk to the book study group. After a few weeks, I was told I should not wear trousers to the group. I said that it was hard especially as I had little time to prepare and had to walk in the cold and wet. After being shown a scripture and thinking about it, I turned up in a dress the following week for the book study.
A few weeks later, I was accused by the couple whose home was used for the book study, that my daughter had spilt her drink on their cream carpet. There were other children there, but we got the blame. That upset me, especially as I had great difficulty getting there that evening.
Just before my baptism, I had started courting this brother. My Bible study conductor was getting a little upset that I was spending less time with her and more time with this brother. (How else would I get to know him?) The night before my baptism, the elders called me to a meeting, and told me off over upsetting this sister. I told them I hadn’t stopped being her friend, just had less time to spend with her as I was getting to know this brother. At the end of this meeting, the night before my baptism, I was in tears. I should have realised then that this was not a very loving religion.
Fast forward.
There were many times when things weren’t quite how ‘The Truth’ should have been. The elders didn’t seem very interested in helping me to pioneer, especially when I tried to organise a lunch followed by an afternoon ministry group to help the auxiliary pioneers. Again, I kept going.
I was accused of not helping out at the Kingdom Hall by one elder. He was and still is very aggressive. I had a bad back, so hadn’t helped with the physical side of things, but had cooked a meal, brought it along and served it up to the volunteers.
Another time, I was called out into the back room and told my tops were too low and that the brother could see down my top whilst he was taking an item on the platform!? First, he shouldn’t have been looking, and second, that simply wasn’t possible as I sat about three rows in and always put my hand over my chest when leaning forward or down to my book bag. I often wore a camisole under tops too. My husband and I couldn’t believe it.
I finally had a really good study with an Indian lady. She was very zealous and she progressed swiftly to become an unbaptised publisher. After going through the questions, the elders delayed in giving a decision. We all wondered what had happened. They were bothered by her very small nose stud. They wrote off to the Bethel about it and had to wait two weeks for a reply. (Whatever happened to doing research on the CD ROM, or just using common sense?)
As a former Hindu, it was normal for her to wear a nose stud or ring as part of their customary jewelry. There wasn’t any religious significance to it. Eventually she got the all-clear and could go out in the ministry. She progressed well towards baptism, and like me had met a brother whom she had known previously through work. She had mentioned him to us about a month before her baptism and assured us they were not courting. (When we first asked her about it, we had to explain what that word meant.) She said they only spoke occasionally on the phone, usually about the Watchtower study. She hadn’t even mentioned marriage to her Hindu parents, as she also had opposition from her father. She waited until the day after her baptism and phoned her father in India. He wasn’t happy that she wanted to marry a Jehovah’s Witness, but he agreed to it. She married the following month, but of course it wasn’t that straight forward.
I had a visit from two elders whilst my husband sat upstairs. He didn’t think it was necessary to sit in and was told there was no need. The two elders accused me of all sorts of things, like making this study a follower of me—even though I always went with other sisters—and of covering up her alleged immoral courtship. When reduced to tears, brother-with-the-temper said with no emotion “that he knew he had a reputation for reducing sisters to tears”. The only scripture produced in that meeting was used totally out of context. Then I was threatened with removal as a regular pioneer if I didn’t agree with what they had said! I couldn’t believe it. Of course, I agreed to their terms as I enjoyed the ministry; it was my life. After they left, my husband couldn’t believe what had happened. We were told not to speak of this to others. (I wonder why?)
Brother-with-the-temper decided to write a letter about this sister to the congregation in India where she would be married. He put in his letter that she had been having a secret relationship with this brother and that they were not in good standing. After some investigation, the brothers in India could see the couple were innocent and disregarded Brother-with-the-temper’s letter.
When the newly weds returned to the U.K. they told me about the letter. I was so angry, and unfortunately said things in front of another sister. Oh dear! Off she went and obediently told the elders. (We are instructed to inform on our brothers when we see any infraction or sign of disloyalty to the elders.) At yet another meeting—this time with my husband present—three elders came, but I was assured the third elder was there to make sure things were done properly. (It was not a judicial hearing. Ha!)
After going through what was said, I apologised profusely. My husband and I stayed calm and polite. They had nothing on us, but that didn’t stop them. Time and again, they made trouble because they felt we were not complying with their dress code, such as whether my husband should wear a very smart jacket and trousers to read the Watchtower or a suit? Having had enough of their games, my husband stepped down from his duties. Nevertheless, we kept going. I kept pioneering until my circumstances changed, and then came off.
Then came the time when my husband woke up to the Truth about the Truth, though I did not.
My husband started asking me questions about the cross, blood transfusions, the faithful and discreet slave, and more. I defended everything as best as I could, using my knowledge of the Bible and the Reasoning book. Eventually he mentioned the child abuse cover-up.
Again, I tried to defend the Organization. What I couldn’t understand is how Jehovah would appoint these bad men?
Then the penny dropped. They had not been appointed by Holy Spirit! Now this did open a can of worms. If they were not appointed by Jehovah, only by men, then this couldn’t be God’s Organisation. My world fell apart. 1914 was incorrect as was 1925, and 1975. I now was in a terrible state, not sure what to believe and unable to talk to anyone else about it, not even my so-called JW friends.
I decided to go to counselling as I didn’t want to take antidepressants. After two sessions, I decided I had to tell the lady everything so she could help me. Of course, we had been taught not to go for counselling so as not to bring reproach on Jehovah’s name. Once I tearfully poured out my heart to her, I started to feel better. She had explained that I hadn’t had a balanced view of things, but only a one-sided view. At the end of six sessions, I felt a lot better, and decided I had to start living my life free from Organization control. I stopped attending meetings, stopped going on the ministry and stopped putting in a report. (I couldn’t go on the ministry knowing what I knew, my conscience would not allow me).
I was free! It was scary at first and I was scared that I would change for the worse, but guess what? I didn’t! I am less judgemental, more balanced, happier, and generally nicer and kinder to everyone. I dress in a more colourful, less frumpy style. I changed my hair. I feel younger and happier. My husband and I get on better, and our relationship with our non-Witness family members is so much better. We’ve even made a few new friends.
The downside? We are shunned by our so-called friends from the Organization. It just shows they weren’t true friends. Their love was conditional. It depended on our going to meetings, out in the ministry, and answering up.
Would I go back to the Organization? Definitely not!
I thought I might want to, but I have thrown out all their books and literature. I read other translations of the Bible, use Vines Expository and Strong’s Concordance, and look at the Hebrew and Greek words. Am I happier? Over a year later, the answer is still YES!
So, if I would want to help any out there who were or are JWs, I would say get counselling; it can help. It can help you find out who you are, and what you can now do in life. It takes time to be free. I had feelings of anger and resentment at first, but once I got on with my life doing everyday things and not feeling guilty for that, I felt less bitter and more sorry for those still trapped. Now I want to help get people out of the Organization instead of bringing them in!
Archived Comments
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Comment by Search-truth on 2018-05-16 20:35:03
Thank you Mary for sharing your personal experience to all of us here..Isn't it wonderful to finally be Free from this oppressive regime? Congrats..
Reply by Amitafal on 2018-05-18 17:34:59
Yes it is wonderful to be free. I still can’t believe I feel so much happier, - not what we were taught!
Comment by wish4truth2 on 2018-05-16 23:05:45
Thank you for sharing your experience. It seems we are all similar in the things we go through,and the bad judgemental experiences we encountered in the cult. We are so glad to be free too after 45 years. We are not judgemental anymore. We too want to get people out and warn non witness people not to get in. We are happy, where two or three are gathered together........
Comment by River on 2018-05-17 02:54:25
Tanks for your experience with these hypocrites. I myself is tangled in my new wife's family and can't for her sake not break fully.
I thought that reading the Bible meant reading the Bible.
All the best for you.Reply by Amitafal on 2018-05-18 17:23:43
I hope you will be able to break free. We were fortunate that our whole family got out. I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I and the rest of family had stayed in and my husband had left? We probably would have got divorced!
Reply by River on 2018-05-18 17:46:38
Tanks for your kind word. Luckily my only son and his little family had broken fully and he is my best friend and confident. I use my time with the family trying little by little to help some of them to wake up.
Some of them need time and patience, especially my beloved wife.
Comment by Joseph Anton on 2018-05-17 07:38:15
You're all courageous people for telling these personal stories. Many of us, for the time being, can't give up too many details of our experiences. Which should tell a prospective member everything they need to know about the police state environment of ordinary Jehovah's Witness life. What I still find fascinating, and what goes against typical Witness belief, is that it's not one big tabloid story that knocks a Jehovah's Witness from his path into apostasy. The organization's secrets are shocking, but I believe most of us could hash these out and work through them if the environment at the average Kingdom Hall wasn't so caustic and intrusive. The reason people leave is usually based on how they were treated by local leadership. How the organization seemingly fosters and encourages busybodies and bullies - and not Christians.
I've personally heard horror stories in the underground in-but-not-in quarter, one of even an elder being accused of an embarrassing accusation by his own elder body, and pulled into a judicial committee over what was essentially a nasty rumor, and being so harassed and maligned that he ended up unresponsive in the fetal position on the floor of the backroom in his expensive dress clothes, weeping like a newborn baby - the only course of clemency by the three elders sitting in his judgement was to call an ambulance to take the poor guy to the ER. (that man and his wife are now out, forever, accepting whatever fate that awaits them instead of the private hell back inside the congregation) Once you realize that love inside the organization is conditional (except when it comes to the governing body, then it's absolutely unconditional) your days of forward momentum are at an end.
The real truth about the truth is that it mercilessly and tirelessly pesters and kicks its members around. This, I believe, is ultimately the reason people finally pull up stakes and walk away. Even when it means losing all their friends and family. Even when it means facing an unknown future - or finally facing the reality that it turns out that the future was always unknown. Most people aren't drawn to the idea of living forever if it means living forever with a nation of cowardly snitches and domineering egomaniacs. They'd rather die and be nothing at all.Reply by Leonardo Josephus on 2018-05-17 12:08:19
Your last comment, JA, is sad if it were not so true. If the paradise that JW present is not true, then the rest of the scenario is not true, either. Ultimately Jesus will do what is right. He has been given the authority to do it.
Reply by Psalmbee on 2018-05-17 12:43:57
That's what my Bible say's LJ (Mt 28:18). But what it doesn't say is that Jesus is gonna relinquish that authority to the GB, and in no uncertain terms. He didn't say that he'd be absent from 33 C.E. till 1919 C.E.(Mt 28:20). What a blatant disregard of scripture.
Reply by Robert-6512 on 2018-05-17 17:58:50
Joseph, I am stunned by the clarity and insight of your comments. I don't think I have ever read anything so overwhelmingly and damningly accurate in as few words: the choice of JWs of either living in a police state or dying and being nothing at all, and viewing nothingness as a better choice.
If there were ever a more succinct and concise indictment of WT, it hasn't been written yet.Reply by Joseph Anton on 2018-05-18 03:59:10
Thank you Robert. It really comes down to the gifts of free will and conscience. We were given these tools to liberate us from every form of authoritarian dictatorship mankind could be either born into or fall into. In return we have to fully exercise our faith that God sees our plight, and our fight, and will bless us one day with liberty. I think it's only when we use our conscience along with our free will that we first start finding our way off that highway to destruction, and toward that really narrow and cramped path Christ promised us was out there.
Comment by Alithia on 2018-05-17 08:36:58
Hello Maria, it seems from what you say, in your experience that a great deal of your time, emotional and spiritual energies have been wasted deliberating on trivial matters such as the propriety of nose rings, trousers and camisoles, a common bane for many a sister in the Org especially if they are young, pretty or have fashion sense. I can imagine you constantly second guessing yourself and others too, causing you much unnecessary anxiety and nervous tension in your life. To some people who possess particular personality types, trivial things like tiny nose rings are of an important nature that requires urgent and serious attention!
Fortunately (Unfortunately) Maria as you have observed first hand, there are shepherds in the Org, who when required, seem to have boundless energies for these kinds of tasks and are dedicated to their duties much like the Pharisees in Jesus day who were meticulously scrupulous in being able to properly evaluate what is truly important in life. Such as tithing, a tenth of the mint and the dill and the cumin, and ensuring that someone’s shriveled hand and paralyses remained that way, at least for the Sabbath! Take heart, your particular circumstances could just as easily have been used by Jesus when denouncing the Pharisees. And know that Jesus and Jehovah view people very differently from many of the judgmental people you may have had to deal with in the Org. Jesus said at Matthew 7:1-5. Do not judge,,,, why do you look at the speck in your brothers eye,,, hypocrite take the log out of your own eye and then you will clearly see how to take the speck out of your brothers eye!
Maria as you have experienced in the Org if they have it out for you, especially if it is the elders, it often turns into a fox hunt with everybody joining in, the elders leading the valiant charge trumpeting a call for all to follow their lead hunting down people who are “guilty of serious indiscretions” like wearing trousers, a nose ring or a belly button piercing etc. This judgmental behavior divides people and creates an unloving, suspicious, jealous, hostile and fearful environment. Exactly what Jesus warned against! I am glad now you are freed from these negative influences and try to see others around you more like Jesus saw people. How in the world could not your ministry be the focus for those elder’s attention????
Your experience reminds me of an English T.V. comedy called Dads Army. It was about the activities of a home guard group during the Second World War. It was made up of elderly seniors who did not qualify for real active combat duty so they were assigned to home guard, in a quiet sleepy English village far from any real danger. The comedy was all around the high drama that ensued from very trivial things, and often nothing, that they blew up into an enormity! Very funny except for the fact that this is exactly what happens in the Org causing too much grief to too many people!
Thanks for sharing Maria you have made some good choices that have led to where you are now. It is good of you to think of ways to help others affected by the Org too.
May Jehovah continue to bless you and yours in your Christian walk.
Comment by Robert-6512 on 2018-05-17 18:10:13
I find that a number of recent comments have taken an interesting and surprising turn. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's kind of like this: I thought I was awake, but then someone slapped me in the face and now I am *really* awake.
A literary person would know where "how do I compare thee" comes from (I don't, offhand), but allow me to make a comparison:
Imagine an organized group of people, numbering in the millions - so many that they see themselves as a legitimate nation, even if others do not. They isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Most of them have hard, low-paying jobs, but don't mind (at least, they say they don't mind). They are loyal to their leadership, who tell their followers that their organization and way of life are the closest thing to paradise that mere mortals can attain to.
They view outsiders with suspicion and even hatred. They believe outsiders are a threat, and are merely people who spread lies and slander about them. They see the Internet as a threat to their way of life, which only advertises and promotes a corrupt world, and they strongly discourage its use.
Loyalty and obedience to the leadership are expected and demanded. Refusal to comply will result in the organization's harshest possible punishment. There is effectively no practical way to leave this group, without taking the greatest of risks. Most people don't even try to leave, because the effects on their families and their very lives are too great to risk.
This group, is it WT? No, it's North Korea.
Yes, that was the slap in the face I got. I came to realize that WT is not just a bad religion, it is a repressive dictatorship.
Comment by Psalmbee on 2018-05-17 20:41:19
Thank you for sharing your experience Maria. It sounds like you came in right around the time the GB and the WTBTS were making their transition. I'm glad to hear everything has worked out for you and that your life is back in order. You say that you thrown out all your old literature, please don't feel bad about that, I have seen many dumpsters full of their garbage. They have no program in place for the recycling of it, it's kinda left up to the publishers and Satans local recycling centers to handle that matter, if you live in a rural area I would assume you could have burned it, as I have witnessed many out of date Watchtowers and Awakes being burned, not out of spite but because they couldn't be placed. Just think about all the old obsolete books and tracs even NWT's that had to of littered the land and they have never had a program in place to accommodate for it. What a shame this Corporation has become.
Best wishes to you and your's from me and mine. Welcome back to reality!Reply by Amitafal on 2018-05-18 17:33:55
Thanks. No I don’t feel bad about throwing any of their literature out. I now see it as Satan’s organisation and there certainly are a lot of things wrong with their literature. I didn’t feel comfortable using their bible either and threw it out too. It’s nothing more than a man made organisation that is being used for making money in Real Estate. It’s a shame as I always thought it was God’s organisation and that the elders were appointed by Holy Spirit, so I was always obedient to them. How glad we got out now and still have a few years to rebuild our lives and enjoy it.
Reply by Psalmbee on 2018-05-18 21:51:30
The good thing for you is that you didn't have to chop any roots to get out of that swamp. You just had to transplant yourself. Just think of the ones with hundred year old roots and more even! Those are the ones that are in quicksand neck deep.
Best wishes again and stay strong in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Comment by Maria on 2018-05-18 06:13:50
Hi Maria,
This next verse I want to share with you. Talking about the one we have to rely on.
1 Corinthians 3:11 - For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
Agape,
Maria
Comment by MarthaMartha on 2018-05-18 13:41:09
Well done, Maria.
You made it through the wilderness and came out stronger.
My hubby and I have often said that the most judgemental people we've ever known are JWs. Some elders are judgemental with authority. There are some good ones, but the bad ones show themselves up by being the opposite of a shelter in the storm.
Ironically, their bad treatment can wake us up. So I suppose we should thank them. I've often been tempted to tell a certain elder or two how they were responsible for shaking me into researching my doubts.
Your experience was sad, but ultimately uplifting. Thanks for sharing.
Love
Martha
PS since the voting system is gone now, I'll use this to give all comments a big thumbs up. Love to all.Reply by Amitafal on 2018-05-18 17:26:37
I too have often been tempted to write to certain elders to thank them for treating our family badly so as to awaken us! Sad that the congregation was supposed to be a refuge, and the elders a hiding place from the wind, .... but they turn out to be like a vicious storm, and hurricane! Let’s hope more can leave and lead a good life as our loving God intended.
Reply by MarthaMartha on 2018-05-18 17:49:26
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Comment by Amitafal on 2018-05-18 17:28:18
Yes it seems that our familiy’s experience is not unique. Many in the Congs. are like sheep being kicked by their shepherd instead of being lovingly cared for.