Before we get into this final video in our Role of Women series, there are a couple of items that relate to the previous video on headship which I would like to discuss very briefly.
The first deals with some of the pushback Iāve gotten from some viewers.Ā These are men who vehemently disagreed with the idea that kephalĆ© means āsourceā rather than āauthority overā.Ā Many engaged in ad hominem attacks or just offered baseless assertions as if they were gospel truth.Ā After years releasing videos on controversial topics, Iām used to that type of argumentation, so I just take it all in stride.Ā However, the point I want to make is that such articles are not just from men who feel threatened by women.Ā You see, if kephalĆ© means āsourceā, it creates a problem for trinitarians who believe that Jesus is God.Ā If the Father is the source of the Son, then the Son came from the Father just as Adam came from the Son and Eve came from Adam.Ā That puts the Son in a subordinate role to the Father.Ā How can Jesus be God if he comes from God.Ā We can play with words, like ācreatedā vs. ābegottenā, but in the end just as Eveās creation differed from Adamās, we still end up with one person being sourced from another, which doesnāt fit with a Trinitarian view.
The other item I wanted to touch on is the meaning of 1 Corinthians 11:10.Ā In the New World Translation, this verse reads: āThat is why the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head, because of the angels.ā (1 Corinthians 11:10)
The latest version of the New World Translation in Spanish goes even farther to impose an ideological interpretation.Ā Instead of āsign of authorityā it reads, āseƱal de subjecciónā, which translates into a āsign of subjectionā.
Now, in the interlinear, there is no word corresponding to āsign ofā.Ā Hereās what the interlinear says.
The Berean Literal Bible reads: āBecause of this, the woman ought to have authority on the head, on account of the angels.ā
The King James Bible reads: āFor this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.ā
The World English Bible reads: āFor this cause the woman ought to have authority on her head, because of the angels.ā
So even if is it acceptable to say āsymbol of authorityā or āsign of authorityā or ātoken of authorityā as other versions do, the meaning isnāt as clear as I once thought.Ā In verse 5, Paul writes under inspiration giving women the authority to pray and prophecy and therefore teach within the congregation.Ā Remember from our previous studies that the Corinthian men were trying to take this right away from the women.Ā So, one way of taking thisāand Iām not saying this is gospel, just an opinion worthy of discussionāis that we are talking about an outward sign that women have authority to pray and preach, not that they are under authority.Ā If you go into a restricted area in a government building, you need a pass, a badge plainly displayed to show anyone that you have the authority to be there.Ā The authority to pray and teach in the congregation comes from Jesus and is placed on women as well as men, and the head covering Paul speaks ofābe it a scarf or long hairāis a sign of that right, that authority.
Again, Iām not saying this is fact, only that I see it as a possible interpretation of Paulās meaning.
Now letās get into the topic of this video, this final video in this series.Ā Iād like to start by putting a question to you:
At Ephesians 5:33 we read, āNevertheless, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.āĀ So, hereās the question: Why isnāt the wife told to love her husband as she loves herself?Ā And why isnāt the husband told to respect his wife?Ā Okay, thatās two questions.Ā But this counsel seems somewhat uneven, wouldnāt you agree?
Letās leave the answer to those two questions till the end of our discussion today.
For now, we going to jump back ten verses and read this:
āA husband is head of his wifeā (Ephesians 5:23 NWT)
What do you understand that to mean?Ā Does that mean the husband is the boss of his wife?
You might think that.Ā After all, the preceding verse says, āLet wives be in subjection to their husbandsā¦ā (Ephesians 5:22 NWT)
But then, we have the verse before that one which says, āBe in subjection to one anotherā¦ā (Ephesians 5:21 NWT)
So then, whoās the boss if marriage mates are supposed to be subject to each other?
And then we have this:
āThe wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does.ā (1 Corinthians 7:4)
That doesnāt fit with the idea of the husband being the boss and the wife being the one who gets bossed.
If youāre finding all this confusing, Iām partially to blame. You see, I left out something critical.Ā Letās call it artistic license.Ā But Iāll fix that now. Weāll start back in verse 21 of chapter 5 of Ephesians.
From the Berean Study Bible:
āSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ.ā
Others substitute āfearā for āreverenceā.
- āā¦be subject to one another in the fear of Christā. (New American Standard Bible)
- āsubmitting to one another in the fear of Christ.ā (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
The word is phobos from which we get our English word, phobia, which is an unreasonable fear of something.
- acrophobia, fear of heights
- arachnophobia, fear of spiders
- claustrophobia, fear of confined or crowded spaces
- ophidiophobia, fear of snakes
My mother suffered from that last one. She would go hysterical if confronted with a snake.
However, we should not think that the Greek word relates to irrational fear. Quite the opposite.Ā It refers to a reverential fear.Ā We are not terrified of the Christ.Ā We love him dearly, but we are afraid of displeasing him.Ā We donāt want to disappoint him, do we? Why? Because our love for him causes us to always desire to find favor in his eyes.
Therefore, we submit to one another in the congregation, and within a marriage because of our reverence, our love, for Jesus Christ.
So, right off the bat we start with a link to Jesus.Ā What we read in the following verses is directly tied to our relationship with the Lord and his relationship with us.
Paul is about to give us a new way of viewing our relationship with our fellow humans and with our marriage mate, and so to avoid misunderstanding, he is giving us an example of how those relationships work.Ā He is using something we understand, so as to help us understand something new, something different from what we have become accustomed to.
Okay, next verse:
āWives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.ā (Ephesians 5:22) Berean Study Bible this time.
So, we cannot simply say, āthe Bible says wives have to submit to husbandsā, can we?Ā We have to qualify it, donāt we?Ā āAs to the Lordā, it says.Ā The submission wives must show to husbands parallels the submission all of us render to Jesus.
Next verse:
āFor the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.ā (Ephesians 5:23 BSB)
Paul continues to use the relationship Jesus has with the congregation to explain the type of relationship a husband should have with his wife.Ā He is making sure that we donāt go off on our own with our own interpretation of the husband/wife relationship. He wants to tie it down to that which exists between our Lord and the body of the church.Ā And he reminds us that Jesusā relationship with the church involves him being its savior.
Now we know from our last video that the word āheadā in Greek is kephalĆ© and that it doesnāt mean authority over another.Ā If Paul were talking about a man having authority over a woman and Christ having authority over the congregation, he would not have used kephalĆ©. Instead, he would have used a word like exousia which means authority.
Remember, we just read from 1 Corinthians 7:4 which talks of a wife having authority over her husbandās body, and vice versa.Ā There we donāt find kephalĆ© (head) but the verb form of exousia, āauthority overā.
But here in Ephesians, Paul uses kephalĆ© which Greeks used metaphorically to mean ātop, crown, or sourceā.
Now letās dwell on that for a moment.Ā He says that āChrist is the head of the church, His bodyā.Ā The congregation or church is the body of Christ.Ā He is the head that sits on top of the body.Ā Paul repeatedly teaches us that the body is made up of many members all of which are valued equally, though they differ greatly one from another.Ā If one member suffers, the whole body suffers.Ā Stub your toe or smash your little finger with a hammer and youāll know what it means for the whole body so suffer.
Paul makes this analogy of the members of the church being like the various members of the body over and over.Ā He uses it when writing to the Romans, the Corinthians, the Ephesians, the Galatians, and the Colossians.Ā Why? To make a point not easily grasped by people born and raised in systems of government that impose many levels of authority and control on the individual.Ā The church is not to be like that.
Jesus and the body of the church are one. (John 17:20-22)
Now you, as a member of that body, how do you feel?Ā Do you feel that Jesus demands too much of you?Ā Do you think of Jesus as some hardhearted boss who only cares about himself?Ā Or do you feel cared for and protected?Ā Do you think of Jesus as someone who was willing to die for you?Ā As someone who spent his life, not being served by others, but exerting himself to serve his flock?
Now you men have an understanding of what is expected of you as the head of the woman.
It is not even like you get to make the rules.Ā Jesus told us that āI do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me.ā (John 8:28 ESV)
It follows that husbands need to imitate that example and do nothing on their own authority but only based on what God has taught us.
Next verse:
āNow as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.ā (Ephesians 5:24 BSB)
Again, the comparison is made between the church and Christ. A wife will have no problem submitting to a husband if he is acting as head in the manner of Christ over the congregation.
But Paul isnāt done explaining.Ā He continues:
āHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.ā (Ephesians 5:24 BSB)
In a similar way, a husband will want to love his wife and give of himself with a view to sanctifying her, so as to present her to the world as glorious, without stain, wrinkle, or blemish, but holy and blameless.
Beautiful, high sounding words, but how can a husband hope to accomplish this in a practical manner in todayās world with all the problems that we face?
Allow me to try to explain that from something which I experienced in my own life.
My late wife loved to dance. I, like most men, was reluctant to get on the dance floor. I felt I looked awkward since I didnāt know how to move properly to the music. Nevertheless, when we had the funds, we decided to take dance lessons. In our first class of mostly women, the instructor began by saying, āIām going to start with the men in the group because of course the man leadsā, to which a young female student protested, āWhy does the man have to lead?ā
What surprised me was that all the other women in the group laughed at her. The poor thing looked quite embarrassed. To her apparent surprise, she got no support from the other females of the group.Ā As I learned more and more about dancing, I began to see why this was the case, and I came to see that ballroom dancing is an exceptionally good metaphor for the male/female relationship in marriage.
Hereās a picture of a ballroom competition. What do you notice? All the women are dressed in glorious gowns, each one different; while all the men are dressed like penguins, identically. This is because it is the manās role to show the woman off. She is the focus of attention. She has the showy, more difficult moves.
What did Paul say about Christ and the congregation? I rather like the rendering given verse 27 by the New International Version, āto present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.ā
Such is the role of a husband to his wife in the marriage.Ā I believe that the reason women have no problem with the idea of the men leading on the dance floor is that they understand that dancing isnāt about dominance. Itās about cooperation. Two people moving as one with the purpose of producing artāsomething beautiful to behold.
Hereās how it works:
First, you donāt make up dance steps on the fly. You have to learn them. Someone else has designed them. There are steps for each type of music. There are dance steps for the music of the waltz, but different steps for the Fox Trot, or the Tango, or the Salsa. Each type of music requires different steps.
You never know what the band or DJ is going to play next, but are ready, because youāve learned the step to every dance.Ā In life, you never know what is coming next; what music is about to be played. We have to face many challenges in a marriage: financial reversals, health problems, family tragedy, childrenā¦on and on. How do we handle all these things? What steps do we take to deal with them in a way that brings glory to our marriage?Ā We donāt make up the steps ourselves.Ā Someone has designed them for us. For a Christian, that someone is the Father who has communicated all these things to us through his son Jesus Christ.Ā Both dance partners know the steps.Ā But which step to take at any given time is up to the man.
When the man is taking the lead on the dance floor, how does he tell the woman what particular step they are going to perform next? A basic backward, or a rock left turn, or a forward progressive, or a promenade, or an underarm turn?Ā How does she know?
He does all this through a very subtle form of communication. Communication is the key to a successful dance partnership justĀ as it is key to a successful marriage.
The first thing they teach the men in dance class is the dance frame. The manās right arm forms a semicircle with his hand resting on the womanās back at the level of the shoulder blade. Now the woman will rest her left arm on top of your right with her hand on your shoulder. The key is for the man to keep his arm rigid.Ā When his body turns, his arm turns with it.Ā It canāt stay behind, because it is the movement of his arm that guides the woman into the steps.Ā For instance, to avoid stepping on her, he leans into her before lifting his foot.Ā He leans forward, and then he steps.Ā He always leads with the left foot, so when she feels him lean forward, she immediately knows she must lift her right foot and then move backwards.Ā And thatās all there is to it.
If she doesnāt feel him moveāif he moves his foot, but not his bodyāshe going to get stepped on. Thatās not a good thing.
So, firm but gentle communication that is the key.Ā The woman needs to know what the man intends to do.Ā So, it is in marriage.Ā The woman needs and wants to be in close communication with her mate. She wants to know his mind, to understand how he feels about things.Ā In dancing, you want to move as one.Ā In life, you want to think and act as one. That is where the beauty of a marriage lies.Ā That only comes with time and long practice and many mistakesāmany feet that get stepped on.
The man isnāt telling the woman what she has to do. Heās not her boss. He is communicating with her so she feels him.
Do you know what Jesus wants of you?Ā Of course, because he has told us plainly, and more he has set the example for us.
Now from the womanās point of view, she has to work at carrying her own weight.Ā In dance, she rests her arm on his lightly. The purpose is contact for communication.Ā If she rests the full weight of her arm on his, he will tire out quickly, and his arm will droop.Ā Though they work as one, each carries their own weight.
In dancing, there is always one partner that learns more quickly than the other.Ā A skilled woman dancer will help her partner to learn new steps and better ways to lead, to communicate.Ā A skilled male dancer will not lead his partner into steps she has not yet learned. Remember, the purpose is to produce a beautiful synchronicity on the dance floor, not embarrass one another.Ā Anything that makes one partner look bad, makes them both look bad.
In dance, you are not competing with your mate. You are cooperating with her or him.Ā You win together or you lose together.
This brings us to that question I raised at the beginning. Why is a husband told to love his wife as he does himself and not the other way round? Why is a woman told to respect her husband and not the other way round? I put it to you that what that verse is actually telling us is the same thing from two different viewpoints.
If you hear someone say, āyou never tell me you love me anymore.ā Would you immediately assume youāre hearing a man talking or a woman?
Donāt expect your wife to understand you love her unless you constantly reinforce that with open communication.Ā Tell her you love her and show her you love her.Ā Big grandiose gestures are often less important that many small repetitive ones.Ā You can dance a whole dance with just a couple of basic steps, but you tell the world how you feel by showing off your dance partner, and more important, you show her how you feel about her.Ā Find the way every day to show you love her as much as you love yourself.
As for the second part of that verse about showing respect, Iāve heard it said that everything Fred Astaire did, Ginger Rogers also did, but in high heels and moving backwards.Ā This is because in a dance competition, the couple will lose points for posture if they donāt face the right way.Ā Notice that the man is facing the way they are moving because he has to avoid collisions.Ā The woman, however, looks where they have been.Ā Sheās moving backward blind.Ā To do this, she has to have absolute trust in her partner.
Hereās a scenario:Ā A newly wed couple has a leaky sink.Ā The husband is underneath working away with his wrenches and the wife stands by thinking, āAh, he can do anything.ā Flash forward a few years.Ā Same scenario. The husband is under the sink trying to fix the leak. The wife says, āMaybe we should call a plumber.ā
Like a knife to the heart.
For men, love is all about respect.Ā Iāve seen women working on something, when another women comes into the group and offers a suggestion on how to do the thing better.Ā They listen and appreciate the advice.Ā But you donāt see that so much in men.Ā If I walk in on a friend doing something and immediately offer advice, it might not go so well.Ā Iām not showing him respect.Ā Iām not showing him that I trust what he is doing.Ā Now, if he asks for advice, then he is telling me he respects me, respects my advice.Ā That is how men bond.
So, when Ephesians 5:33 tells women to respect their husbands, it is actually saying the same thing it says to husbands. It is saying you should love your husband, but itās telling you how to express that love in a way a man will understand.
When my late wife and I would go dancing, weād often be on a crowded dance floor.Ā Iād have to be ready to change into a different step to avoid a collision, on a momentās notice sometimes.Ā Sometimes, Iād have to reverse, but then Iād be going backwards and Iād be blind and sheād be looking.Ā She might see us about to collide with another couple and pull back. Iād feel her resistance and know to stop or to change to a different step immediately.Ā That subtle communication is a two-way street.Ā I donāt push, I donāt pull. I merely move and she follows, and vice versa.
What happens when you do collide, which happens from time to time. You do collide with another couple and you fall?Ā Proper etiquette calls for the man to use his greater bulk to spin so that he is underneath to cushion the fall of the womsn. Again, Jesus sacrificed himself for the congregation.Ā A husband should be willing to take the fall for the wife.
As a husband or wife, if you ever worry that youāre not doing what you should to make the marriage work, then look at the example Paul gives us of Christ and the congregation.Ā Find a parallel there to your situation, and you will see how to fix the problem.
I hope that this clears up some of the confusion about headship.Ā I have been expressing a number of personal opinions based on my experience and understanding.Ā Iāve engaged in some generalities here.Ā Please understand these are suggestions. Take them or leave them,Ā Ā as you see fit.
Thank you for watching. This concludes the series on the role of women. Look for a video from James Penton next, and then Iāll get into the topic of the nature of Jesus and the question of the Trinity.Ā If you would like to help me keep going, there is a link in the description of this video to facilitate donations.
En relisant aujourd’hui les paroles du Christ aux 7 congregations, j’ai relevĆ© un point que je n’avais jamais vu concernant l’enseignement par des femmes dans la congrĆ©gation. A la congrĆ©gation de Thyatire RĆ©vĆ©lation 2 : 20 dit “Toutefois, voici ce que je te reprocheĀ : cāest que tu tolĆØres cette femme, cette JĆ©zabel, qui se dit PROPHETESSEĀ ; elle ENSEIGNE et Ć©gare mes esclaves,…” Donc le fait qu’une femme dans l’assemblĆ©e enseignait ne choquait pas la congrĆ©gation. C’Ć©tait donc habituel. Est ce que Christ reproche Ć JĆ©zabel d’enseigner EN TANT QUE FEMME ? Non. Il lui reproche “d’enseigner et Ć©garer mes esclaves,… Read more Ā»
An excellent point, Fani. Thank you.
Hi Eric. What a wonderful conclusion of your “Women in congregation” series. In the first part you presented excellent analysis of Ephesians 5:21-24. And then – the beautiful “dancing through marriage” parable. There are several nice thoughts here – “We don’t make up the steps ourselves” – “gentle communication that is the key” – “Though they work as one, each carries their own weight” – “You win together or you lose together” – “you show her how you feel about her” – “That subtle communication is a two-way street” and others. And you used cute “dancing” metaphors, thanks a lot.… Read more Ā»
Thank you, Frankie. š
Communication, words and their meaning are a facinating subject. The same words said in a different tone, context, to a different person of a different sex can convey or be understood in an entirely different way from what was intended. Add to the mix personal prefrences, bias and an agenda and you can arrive at a conclusion to suit just about anything. I think Eric has demonstrated from a number off angles using numerous lines of biblical reasoning and logic to clarify to a reaonable degree that the traditional view of women in the Christian Church is not a view… Read more Ā»
Merci Eric pour cette trĆØs belle sĆ©rie. J’ai appris beaucoup de choses et ces Ć©claircissements me paraissent conformes Ć l’esprit de Christ, Ć l’esprit de Dieu, Ć l’uniformitĆ© du message biblique. Les paroles de Paul Ć©tait pour moi d’une incomprĆ©hension totale. AprĆØs plus de 40 ans de mariage je suis d’accord avec tout ce que tu as dit. Merveilleuse comparaison des relations homme/femme avec la danse. HĆ©breux 13 : 4 “Que le mariage soit HONORĆ de tous” HonorĆ© : de grand prix, prĆ©cieux, cher… La grande valeur de ce terme “honorez” est mise en valeur quand on sait qu’on doit… Read more Ā»
Je vous remercie pour vos aimables paroles, Nicole.
Yes, I have to agree with London18. In that picture, your wife has a striking resemblance to Susan Sarandon. Nice picture Eric. Thanks for bringing up Ephesians 5:25. One of my favourite scriptures
Enjoyed your series on the role of women! Well done! Especially enjoyed the correlation of ballroom dancing to marriage. And wow, your wife was beautiful! She looked liked Susan Sarandon!!!
Yes, she was very beautiful.
My wife was very unphotogenic. As soon as you pointed a camera at her, she’d freeze into an unflattering pose. To get that shot, I had a 500mm telephoto lens. I was so far away that she wasn’t aware I was snapping a shot, and so I got her in a natural pose.
Your wife was very fortunate to have someone as kind and loving, and as wise as you.
She was the kind, loving and wise one, but thank you.
You’re just being modest:-)