Amava kaMaria

Amava am okuba liNgqina likaYehova elisebenzayo nokushiya iNkolo.

NguMaria (Alias ​​njengezikhuselo kwintshutshiso.)

Ndiqalise ukufunda namaNgqina kaYehova kwiminyaka eyi-20 eyadlulayo emva kokuqhawula umtshato wam. Intombi yam yayineenyanga ezimbalwa ubudala, ngoko ndandisengozini kakhulu ngelo xesha, kwaye yayikukuzibulala.

Andizange ndidibane namaNgqina ndishumayela, kodwa ngomhlobo wam omtsha endandimenzile emva kokuba umyeni wam endishiyile. Ukuva kwam eli Ngqina lithetha malunga neentsuku zokugqibela nokuba amadoda aza kuba njani, kuvakala kuyinyaniso kum. Ndacinga ukuba uyacaphuka, kodwa wayenomdla. Emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, ndaphinda ndakhala kuye, saphinda saba nenye ingxoxo. Wayefuna ukundwendwela ekhaya kodwa ndiye ndathandabuza ukuba umntu ongamaziyo eze endlwini yam. (Endingakhankanyanga kukuba utata wam wayengumSilamsi ozinikeleyo, kwaye ebengenalo nolwalamano oluhle namaNgqina.)

Eli nenekazi lide lafumana ithemba lam kwaye ndamnika iadresi yam, kodwa ndiyakhumbula ukuba ndibuhlungu kuba wayehlala kufutshane, kwaye kuba wayeqale ukuba nguvulindlela ongumncedani, wasebenzisa lonke ithuba ukundifowunela, kangangokuba kwafuneka ndizimele yena izihlandlo ezininzi, ngathi andikho ekhaya.

Emva kweenyanga ezi-4, ndaqala ukufunda kwaye ndenza inkqubela kakuhle, ndaya kwiintlanganiso, ndiphendula ndaza ke ndaba ngumvakalisi ongabhaptizwanga. Ngelo xesha umyeni wam wayebuya eze kundenza buhlungu ngokunxibelelana namaNgqina. Waba ndlongondlongo, esongela ngokutshisa iincwadi zam, yaye ezama nokundithintela ukuba ndiye kwiintlanganiso. Akukho nanye kwezi eyayindinqanda njengoko ndandicinga ukuba yayiyinxalenye yesiprofeto sikaYesu esikuMateyu 5:11, 12. Ndenza inkqubela entle nangona ndandichaswa.

Ekugqibeleni, ndandilwanele unyango awayendinika lona, ​​umsindo wakhe nokusebenzisa kwakhe iziyobisi. Ndagqiba kwelokuba ndohlukane. Bendingafuni ukumala umtshato njengoko babecetyisiwe ngabadala, kodwa bathi ukwahlukana kuzakulunga ngombono wokuzama ukulungisa izinto. Emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa, ndafaka isicelo sokuqhawula umtshato, ndibhalela igqwetha lam ndichaza izizathu zam. Emva kweenyanga ezintandathu, igqwetha lam labuza ukuba ndisafuna ukuqhawula umtshato. Ndisathandabuza isifundo sam seBhayibhile namaNgqina sandifundisa ukuba kufuneka sizame ukuhlala sitshatile ngaphandle kokuba kukho izizathu ezingokweZibhalo zoqhawulo-mtshato. Andizange ndibenabo ubungqina bokuba wayengathembekanga, kodwa kwakunokwenzeka ukuba wayehlala ehamba iiveki ezimbini okanye ngaphezulu ngexesha, kwaye ngoku ebengekho iinyanga ezintandathu. Ndikholelwe ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ulele nomnye umntu. Ndaphinda ndayifunda ileta ebendiyibhalele igqwetha ngezizathu zam zokuba ndiqhawule umtshato. Emva kokuyifunda, andizange ndithandabuze ukuba andinakuhlala naye kwaye ndafaka isicelo soqhawulo mtshato. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa kamva, ndandingumama ongatshatanga. Ndabhaptizwa. Nangona ndandingafuni ukuphinda nditshate, kungekudala ndaqala ukuthandana nomzalwana ndaza ndatshata emva konyaka. Ndacinga ukuba ubomi bam buza kuba mnandi, kunye neArmagedon kunye neParadesi.

Okwethutyana ndandonwabile, ndandizenzela abahlobo abatsha, kwaye bendiyonwabela inkonzo. Ndaqalisa ukuba nguvulindlela othe ngxi. Ndandinentombazana encinci entle nomyeni onothando. Ubomi babumnandi. Yahluke kakhulu kobomi obabunjalo kunye noxinzelelo endandikhe ndalihlupheka kule minyaka idlulileyo. Ngokuya ixesha liqhubeka nangona bekukho ukubambana phakathi kwam nomyeni wam wesibini. Wayengakuthandi ukuphuma aye entsimini, ingakumbi ngeempelaveki. Wayengenamdla wokuphendula okanye ukuya kwiintlanganiso ngeli xesha leholide; kodwa kum yayiqhelekile. Yayiyindlela yam yokuphila! Akuzange kuncede ukuba abazali bam babechasene kakhulu nobomi bam obutsha kunye nenkolo. Utata akazange athethe nam ngaphezulu kweminyaka emihlanu. Kodwa akukho nanye kwezi eyandibambezelayo, ndaqhubeka ndinguvulindlela ndaza ndaziphosa kunqulo lwam olutsha. (Ndikhuliswe ndingumKatolika).

Iingxaki ziqala

Into endingakhankanyanga yona ziingxaki ezaqala kamsinya emva kokuya kufundo lwencwadi, xa ndandimtsha kwinkolo. Bendidla ngokusebenza ixesha elininzi kwaye kuye kufuneke ndiqokelele intombi yam evela kubazali bam, emva koko ndinokufumana ixesha elingaphantsi kweyure yokutya kwaye ndihambe umgama weyure ukuya kwiqela lesifundo sencwadi. Emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, kwathiwa mandinganxibi ibhulukhwe kwiqela. Ndatsho ukuba bekunzima ikakhulu njengoko bendingenaxesha elincinci lokulungiselela kwaye kwafuneka ndihambe kubanda kwaye ndimanzi. Emva kokuboniswa isibhalo kunye nokucingisisa ngaso, ndaphakama ndanxiba ngeveki elandelayo kwisifundo sencwadi.

Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kamva, ndatyholwa sisibini esasisetyenziselwa isifundo sencwadi, ukuba intombi yam isisele isiselo sayo kwikhaphethi yekrimu. Kwakukho abanye abantwana apho, kodwa sasinetyala. Yandicaphukisa loo nto, ngakumbi njengoko kwakunzima ukuba ndifike apho ngokuhlwa.

Ngaphambi nje kokuba ndibhaptizwe, ndandiqala ukutsala lo mzalwana. Umqhubi wesifundo sam seBhayibhile wayesiya ecaphuka ukuba ndichitha ixesha elincinci kunye naye kunye nokuchitha ixesha elininzi nalo mzalwana. (Ndingathanda njani ukuba ndimazi?) Kubusuku bangaphambi kokuba ndibhaptizwe, abadala bandibizela endibanweni, bandixelela ukuba ndingakukhathazi lo dade. Ndabaxelela ukuba andikayeki ukuba ngumhlobo wakhe, bendinexesha elincinci nje lokuchitha naye njengoko bendisazi lo bhuti. Ukuphela kwale ntlanganiso, ngobusuku bangaphambi kokuba ndibhaptizwe, ndandilila. Ngefanele ukuba ndazi ke ukuba le yayingeyo nkolo inothando kakhulu.

Ukukhawuleza.

Kwakukho amaxesha amaninzi xa izinto zazingafani ncam ukuba 'iNyaniso' ibifanele ukuba ibunjani. Abadala babonakala bengenamdla wokundinceda ukuba ndikwazi ukuba nguvulindlela, ngakumbi xa ndizama ukulungiselela isidlo sasemini esilandelwa liqela lenkonzo yasemva kwemini ukuze ndincedise oovulindlela abangabancedani. Ndaphinda ndaqhubeka.

Ndatyholwa ukuba andincedanga ngomdala omnye kwiholo yoMbuso. Wayenoburhalarhume. Ndabuya umva kakubi, ndingakhange ndincedise kwinto yokwenyama, kodwa ndaye ndapheka isidlo, ndabuya naso ndosinika amavolontiya.

Elinye ixesha, ndibizelwe kwigumbi elingasemva ndaxela ukuba amabunzi am aphantsi kakhulu kwaye ubhuti lo angayibona ezantsi into yam ngelixa ethatha into eqongeni !? Kuqala, bekungafanelekanga ukuba ujonge, kwaye okwesibini, loo nto ayinakwenzeka njengoko ndihleli malunga neerowu ezintathu kwaye bendisoloko ndibeka isandla sam esifubeni sam xa ndincamathela ngaphambili okanye ezantsi kwingxowa yam yencwadi. Ndidla ngokunxiba i-camisole phantsi kwamanqwanqwa. Mna nomyeni wam sasingakholelwa.

Ekugqibeleni ndafunda kakuhle nelinye ibhinqa elingumIndiya. Wayenenzondelelo kwaye wenza inkqubela ngokukhawuleza waba ngumvakalisi ongabhaptizwanga. Emva kokubuza imibuzo, abadala balibazisa ekunikeni isigqibo. Sonke sasizibuza ukuba kwenzeke ntoni. Babekhathazwa yimpumlo yakhe encinci. Babhalela iBheteli malunga nayo kwaye kwafuneka balinde iiveki ezimbini ukuze baphendule. (Nokuba kwenzeke ntoni ekwenzeni uphando kwi-CD ye-CD, okanye ukusebenzisa ingqiqo nje?)

Njengomntu owayekade engumHindu, kwakuyinto eqhelekileyo kuye ukunxiba isinxibo sempumlo okanye iringi njengenxalenye yesacholo sabo. Kwakungekho nanye inkolo kuyo. Ekugqibeleni wacacelwa gca kwaye wakwazi ukuya kubulungiseleli. Wenza inkqubela phambili ekubhaptizweni, kwaye njengam wadibana nomzalwana awayemazi ngaphambili ngomsebenzi. Wayemxelele kuthi malunga nenyanga ngaphambi kokuba abhaptizwe kwaye wasiqinisekisa ukuba abathandani. (Ukuqala kwethu ukumbuza malunga nalo, kuye kwafuneka sichaze ukuba lithetha ntoni elo gama.) Uthe bathetha ngamanye amaxesha emnxebeni, ngesiqhelo ngesifundo seMboniselo. Wayengakhange awukhankanye nomtshato nabazali bakhe abangamaHindu, njengoko naye wayechaswa ngutata wakhe. Walinda de kwaba lusuku lokubhaptizwa kwakhe wafowunela utata wakhe eIndiya. Wayengavuyi ukuba wayefuna ukutshata iNgqina likaYehova, kodwa wavuma. Watshata kwinyanga elandelayo, kodwa ke yayingeyiyo ngqo phambili.

Ndityelelwe ngabadala ababini ngelixa umyeni wam wayehleli kwigumbi eliphezulu. Wayengacingi ukuba kufanelekile ukuhlala ngaphakathi kwaye waxelelwa ukuba akukho mfuneko. Aba badala babini babendityhola ngazo zonke izinto, njengokuthi ndenze lo mlandeli mna-nangona bendihlala ndihamba nabanye oodade-kunye nokufihla ukuthandana kwakhe ngokuziphatha okubi. Xa wehliswa zehla iinyembezi, umzalwana-kunye-nomsindo wathi ngaphandle kwemvakalelo "ukuba uyazi ukuba unedumela lokunciphisa oodade iinyembezi". Isibhalo kuphela esivelisiweyo kuloo ntlanganiso sasisetyenziswe ngaphandle komxholo. Emva koko ndagrogriswa ngokususwa njengovulindlela othe ngxi ukuba andivumelani noko bakuthethileyo! Andizange ndikholelwe. Ewe ndavuma njengoko babekunandipha ukushumayela; ibibubomi bam. Emva kokuba bemkile, umyeni wam akazange ayikholelwe into eyenzekileyo. Saxelelwa ukuba singayithethi le nto kwabanye. (Ingaba kutheni?)

Umzalwana-nomsindo wagqiba ekubeni abhale ileta malunga nalo dade esiya kwibandla laseIndiya apho ayeza kutshata khona. Wabhala kwileta yakhe ukuba wayethandana nolwalamano olufihlakeleyo kunye nalo mzalwana kwaye babengekho kwimeko entle. Emva kophando oluthile, abazalwana eIndiya babona esi sibini singenatyala kwaye besityeshela ileta kaMzalwana-nomsindo.

Xa i-weds esandula ukubuyela e-UK bandixelele ngale leta. Ndandinomsindo, kwaye ngelishwa ndathetha izinto phambi komnye usisi. Oh sithandwa! Wemka waya ethobela abadala. (Siyalelwe ukuba sazise abazalwana bethu xa sibona nasiphi na isiphoso okanye uphawu lokungathembeki kwabadala.) Kwenye intlanganiso-ngeli xesha umyeni wam ekhona — abadala abathathu beza, kodwa ndaqinisekiswa ukuba umdala wesithathu wayekhona ukuba enze Qiniseka ukuba izinto zenziwe ngokufanelekileyo. (Kwakungekho ukuxoxwa komthetho. Ha!)

Emva kokwenza oko kwakuthethiwe, ndacela uxolo kakhulu. Mna nomyeni wam sahlala sizolile kwaye sinembeko. Babengenanto kuthi, kodwa oko akuzange kubayekise. Amaxesha ngamaxesha, babesenza ingxaki kuba beziva ngathi asithobeli indlela abanxiba ngayo, enjengokuba umyeni wam ufanele ukunxiba ibhatyi nebhulukhwe entle kakhulu xa efunda IMboniselo okanye isuti? Emva kokuba bendonele kwimidlalo yabo, umyeni wam wehla kwimisebenzi yakhe. Sekunjalo, saqhubeka. Ndaqhubeka ndinguvulindlela de iimeko zam zatshintsha, ndaza ndabuya.

Emva koko lafika ixesha lokuba umyeni wam avuke aye kwiNyaniso malunga neNyaniso, nangona ndingazange.

Umyeni wam waqala ngokundibuza imibuzo malunga nomnqamlezo, utofelo-gazi, ikhoboka elithembekileyo neliyingqondi, nangaphezulu. Ndazikhusela yonke into kangangoko ndinako, ndisebenzisa ulwazi lwam lweBhayibhile nolwe Ukuqiqa incwadi. Ekugqibeleni wakhankanya ukuqhushululu komntwana.

Ndaphinda ndazama ukuzikhusela kuMbutho. Into endingenakuyiqonda yile yokuba, uYehova uza kuwonyula njani la madoda angendawo?

Emva koko le penny yawa. Babengamiselwanga nguMoya oyiNgcwele! Ngoku oku kuvule itoti yeentshulube. Ukuba bebengonyulwanga nguYehova, benziwe ngabantu kuphela, ibingayi kuba nguMbutho kaThixo. Umhlaba wam wawa phakathi. U-1914 wayengachanekanga njengokuba kwakunjalo ngo-1925, no-1975.

Ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiye kwi-counselling kuba ndingafuni ukuthatha ii-antidepressants. Emva kweeseshoni ezimbini, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba kufuneka ndixelele inenekazi yonke into ukuze indincedise. Ewe, safundiswa ukuba singahambi siyokufumana ingcebiso ukuze singazisi ugculelo kwigama likaYehova. Ndikhe ndaphalaza imbilini yam kuye, ndiye ndaziva bhetele. Waye wandicacisela ukuba andibanga nazimbono zilungeleleneyo ngezinto, kodwa yayikukujonga kwicala elinye. Ekupheleni kweeseshoni ezintandathu, ndaziva ndibhetele, kwaye ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba kufuneka ndiqale ngokuphila ubomi bam ngaphandle kolawulo loMbutho. Ndayeka ukuya ezintlanganisweni, ndayeka ukuya entsimini ndayeka ukufaka ingxelo. (Andikwazanga ukuqhubeka nenkonzo ndiyazi into endiyaziyo, isazela sam sasingandivumeli).

Ndandikhululekile! Kwakoyikisa ekuqaleni kwaye ndandisoyika ukuba ndizakutshintsha ndenze okubi, kodwa qagela ntoni? Khange ndiyenze! Andigwebi ngaphantsi, ndilinganise ngakumbi, ndonwabile, kwaye ngokubanzi ndilungile kwaye ndinobubele kubo bonke abantu. Ndinxiba ngendlela ebalabala ngakumbi, ndingenamagingxigingxi. Ndatshintsha iinwele zam. Ndiziva ndimncinci kwaye ndonwabile. Mna nomyeni wam siba bhetele, kwaye ulwalamano lwethu namalungu osapho ethu angengomaNgqina alunge ngakumbi. Sakha senza nabahlobo abambalwa abatsha.

Icala elibi? Siyanqandwa ngabahlobo bethu ababizwa ngokuba ngabahlobo boMbutho. Ibonisa nje ukuba babengengabo abahlobo bokwenene. Uthando lwabo lwalunemiqathango. Kuxhomekeke ekuyeni kwiintlanganiso, entsimini nasekuphenduleni.

Ngaba ndingabuyela kuMbutho? Ngokuqinisekileyo akunjalo!

Ndicinga ukuba ndingafuna, kodwa ndizilahlile zonke iincwadi zabo noncwadi. Ndiye ndafunda ezinye iinguqulelo zeBhayibhile, ndisebenzisa iiVines Expository kunye neStrordance yeVines, kwaye ndijonga amagama esiHebhere nesiGrike. Ndonwabe ngakumbi? Kwisithuba esingaphezulu konyaka kamva, impendulo ise-EWE!

Ke, ukuba ndingafuna ukunceda nabaphi na ababekhona okanye abakhoyo be-JWs, ndingathi fumana ingcebiso; inganceda. Inokukunceda ufumanise ukuba ungubani, kwaye unokwenza ntoni ngoku ebomini. Kuthatha ixesha ukuba simahla. Ndandinomsindo kwaye ndicaphukile ekuqaleni, kodwa ndakuba ndiqhubekile nobomi bam ndisenza izinto zemihla ngemihla kwaye ndingaziva ndinetyala ngenxa yoko, ndaziva ndingenantlungu kwaye ndizisola ngakumbi kwabo babanjiweyo. Ngoku ndifuna ukunceda ukukhupha abantu kuMbutho endaweni yokubangenisa!